So, this morning I found myself seated on my royal throne in the family room researching pressure points on the body. I sat squeezing points on my hand and arm and twisting joints trying to produce pain. At one point I declared,"This is great!" and looked up to see J, eating her breakfast with that amused smile she gets. I told her that normal mothers probably don't do this. She smiled bigger and shook her head, no.
BUT I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN!! I'm glad she understands. I'm so glad God gave me karate. It makes me happy. It's going to be a good class today. Tang Soo!!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
So, who cares?
I love our church. Our pastor has the self-control to go through the book of Psalms at a snails pace so that snails like me can reap the benefits. As we've been looking at Psalm 42 over the last 2 weeks my small mind has considered the problem of suffering and the things we call problems.
David had problems. We have problems. Problems lead us to be downcast. Many times when trouble comes my way, it seems so enormous. I can't see around it. I open my eyes to it in the morning and it's the last thing I see at night. David felt like the ocean was swallowing him with waves breaking over his head.
A trouble may be real (a lawsuit, a car accident, CPS showing up at the door with anonymous allegations). In David's case it was enemies pursuing him and threatening him with doom. Sometimes the problem is only in my mind or emotions. It's not an invading army with flame-throwers or the threat of losing my home... My feelings are hurt. My "rights" have been infringed upon. I urgently desire things to go one way and they go another way instead.
Trouble. Is God unfair? David was a man after God's own heart. WDBTHTGP? (Why do bad things happen to good people?) It's apparent to us that BTHTGP. I know that God uses all things to bring Him glory, but the question (WDBTHTGP) makes God look bad whenever someone brings it up. The question bothers people. I usually sound lame when trying to come up with an answer.
But we're also studying Revelation on Sunday night. And more and more I can see that my seemingly big problems are happening to one little person on this enormous planet. But this enormous planet is just a small dot in our enormous galaxy. BUT our enormous galaxy isn't big enough to even see when you consider the size of the known universe. We're so small that you would have to be God to even know that we exist! So my problem is as big as a speck on a speck on a piece of floating dust. And all this is inconsequential in size as it sits in a little container in the eternal landscape that is the throne room of God. The little container holds all of created matter and time... for all planets in all 4 or 5 dimensions that we speculate about (or 11 according to M-theory). Finite. Outside the box, where God sits, is reality and eternity.
So, what is the worst thing that can happen? My seeming injustices are inconsequential. One day we'll die and open our eyes in heaven and it won't matter that the policeman gave me a ticket for something I didn't do, or my house just blew down. Somehow, instead of a feeling of fatalism, the outside of the box gives me hope. But it also makes me think,"So, what do my troubles really matter? It's all so small. Who cares?"
I was riding to church the other day and I thought something that wasn't nice. And I thought, so what does it matter? How could God possibly care that this speck had a bad thought, or a wrong motive?
This God who lives outside the box with an infinite presence doesn't just care about what happens to His little creation, He cares about what I do, and smaller yet, He it matters to Him why I do it. Really? How could one little sin even be noticed in the grand scheme of things? It's because of God's largeness that He can care about the small things.
Though we live on a dust speck, He made us in His image. Amazing. "What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? " He is our constant witness. Good, bad, injustice, triumph, joy or sorrow, faithfulness or failure- He sees. We are not inconsequential. He orders each day for each individual for His purpose. He has agendas that we couldn't even imagine, and concerns that we can't guess. We're small. He made us small. And He lives in my heart. And He does care.
"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God."
David had problems. We have problems. Problems lead us to be downcast. Many times when trouble comes my way, it seems so enormous. I can't see around it. I open my eyes to it in the morning and it's the last thing I see at night. David felt like the ocean was swallowing him with waves breaking over his head.
A trouble may be real (a lawsuit, a car accident, CPS showing up at the door with anonymous allegations). In David's case it was enemies pursuing him and threatening him with doom. Sometimes the problem is only in my mind or emotions. It's not an invading army with flame-throwers or the threat of losing my home... My feelings are hurt. My "rights" have been infringed upon. I urgently desire things to go one way and they go another way instead.
Trouble. Is God unfair? David was a man after God's own heart. WDBTHTGP? (Why do bad things happen to good people?) It's apparent to us that BTHTGP. I know that God uses all things to bring Him glory, but the question (WDBTHTGP) makes God look bad whenever someone brings it up. The question bothers people. I usually sound lame when trying to come up with an answer.
But we're also studying Revelation on Sunday night. And more and more I can see that my seemingly big problems are happening to one little person on this enormous planet. But this enormous planet is just a small dot in our enormous galaxy. BUT our enormous galaxy isn't big enough to even see when you consider the size of the known universe. We're so small that you would have to be God to even know that we exist! So my problem is as big as a speck on a speck on a piece of floating dust. And all this is inconsequential in size as it sits in a little container in the eternal landscape that is the throne room of God. The little container holds all of created matter and time... for all planets in all 4 or 5 dimensions that we speculate about (or 11 according to M-theory). Finite. Outside the box, where God sits, is reality and eternity.
So, what is the worst thing that can happen? My seeming injustices are inconsequential. One day we'll die and open our eyes in heaven and it won't matter that the policeman gave me a ticket for something I didn't do, or my house just blew down. Somehow, instead of a feeling of fatalism, the outside of the box gives me hope. But it also makes me think,"So, what do my troubles really matter? It's all so small. Who cares?"
I was riding to church the other day and I thought something that wasn't nice. And I thought, so what does it matter? How could God possibly care that this speck had a bad thought, or a wrong motive?
This God who lives outside the box with an infinite presence doesn't just care about what happens to His little creation, He cares about what I do, and smaller yet, He it matters to Him why I do it. Really? How could one little sin even be noticed in the grand scheme of things? It's because of God's largeness that He can care about the small things.
Though we live on a dust speck, He made us in His image. Amazing. "What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? " He is our constant witness. Good, bad, injustice, triumph, joy or sorrow, faithfulness or failure- He sees. We are not inconsequential. He orders each day for each individual for His purpose. He has agendas that we couldn't even imagine, and concerns that we can't guess. We're small. He made us small. And He lives in my heart. And He does care.
"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God."
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Restored
So I'm a big disappointment.
Reading on in ch 24 Jesus calls his disciples 'O fools and slow of heart'... That would be some type of declaration of disappointment. Surely we disappoint God too.
The thing that stands out today is that, after the resurrection, Jesus met one-on-one with Peter before he appeared to the rest of the apostles(v. 34, I Co 5:5).
Somewhere near the top of the agenda, after the big denial and disappointment... Jesus restored the broken Peter. I stumble. I fall into sin. I disobey. God's love for me doesn't depend upon my performance.
I love that about God.
Reading on in ch 24 Jesus calls his disciples 'O fools and slow of heart'... That would be some type of declaration of disappointment. Surely we disappoint God too.
The thing that stands out today is that, after the resurrection, Jesus met one-on-one with Peter before he appeared to the rest of the apostles(v. 34, I Co 5:5).
Somewhere near the top of the agenda, after the big denial and disappointment... Jesus restored the broken Peter. I stumble. I fall into sin. I disobey. God's love for me doesn't depend upon my performance.
I love that about God.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
God knows
Okay, so I still don't have the short blog thing down. But I think I have an answer to the puzzle of who is more disappointed when we sin.
Doing my Bible reading in Luke, I came to chapter 22. The disciples had the last supper with the Lord. It's interesting to put the last supper accounts together to get a bigger picture of the table conversation, especially if you add the verses from John. Then, Satan had previously entered into Judas, and Judas went to the priests. Did Satan also come to the Last Supper inside Judas, like the Greeks at Troy? Odd guest. But I stray, and that's what makes for long blogs.
Anyway, Jesus tells them some important stuff... like when He informs Peter that Satan has requested to sift him like wheat... Scary stuff. Bad temptation coming your way, Peter. Very bad times. And Jesus had spent time praying just for Peter that his faith wouldn't fail. He then instructs Peter that when he "returns" (implying that Peter would turn from Christ), that he should "strengthen his brothers." Peter replies with his good intentions. 'If you get arrested. If you get crucified, Lord, you won't be alone because I'll be right there beside you.'
Jesus replies: "I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me." That's just a few hours away. I believe Peter had that small voice inside his head saying, 'I don't know about that. I don't think you understand how committed I am.' Commitment is so much easier when you're sitting across the table from Jesus in the upper room.
Then came the small trial in the garden (Can't you just stay awake and pray?). Next came the arrest, when everybody ran away. Bigger test, granted. Wow, missed that part of my good intentions. Then he had the chance to identify with Christ, as he claimed he would, 3 times in the High Priest's hall. Instead, he goes the other way, strongly stating to everybody that he doesn't even know the man.
"And the Lord turned and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice." They locked eyes. Jesus knew. Ouch.
"And Peter went out, and wept bitterly."
Peter thought he was better than that. Granted, he didn't have an indwelling Holy Spirit yet. But he had spent years with Jesus, and Jesus was his best friend and Master. God already knew he would deny. Peter thought he was better than that. And so do I.
Doing my Bible reading in Luke, I came to chapter 22. The disciples had the last supper with the Lord. It's interesting to put the last supper accounts together to get a bigger picture of the table conversation, especially if you add the verses from John. Then, Satan had previously entered into Judas, and Judas went to the priests. Did Satan also come to the Last Supper inside Judas, like the Greeks at Troy? Odd guest. But I stray, and that's what makes for long blogs.
Anyway, Jesus tells them some important stuff... like when He informs Peter that Satan has requested to sift him like wheat... Scary stuff. Bad temptation coming your way, Peter. Very bad times. And Jesus had spent time praying just for Peter that his faith wouldn't fail. He then instructs Peter that when he "returns" (implying that Peter would turn from Christ), that he should "strengthen his brothers." Peter replies with his good intentions. 'If you get arrested. If you get crucified, Lord, you won't be alone because I'll be right there beside you.'
Jesus replies: "I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me." That's just a few hours away. I believe Peter had that small voice inside his head saying, 'I don't know about that. I don't think you understand how committed I am.' Commitment is so much easier when you're sitting across the table from Jesus in the upper room.
Then came the small trial in the garden (Can't you just stay awake and pray?). Next came the arrest, when everybody ran away. Bigger test, granted. Wow, missed that part of my good intentions. Then he had the chance to identify with Christ, as he claimed he would, 3 times in the High Priest's hall. Instead, he goes the other way, strongly stating to everybody that he doesn't even know the man.
"And the Lord turned and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice." They locked eyes. Jesus knew. Ouch.
"And Peter went out, and wept bitterly."
Peter thought he was better than that. Granted, he didn't have an indwelling Holy Spirit yet. But he had spent years with Jesus, and Jesus was his best friend and Master. God already knew he would deny. Peter thought he was better than that. And so do I.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
A time to gain, a time to lose, and sometimes, a time to gain again
All good gifts come from God. Just because you have them doesn't mean they belong to you, or that you'll keep them. That's Biblical. The gifts may be possessions. A roof over our head. Family. Friends. A job. Toys. Happiness. Health. America is an interesting place where we take things for granted. Really, it is just human nature to receive these gifts and forget the giver.
So, in America, we set aside a day to help us remember the God who has taken notice of us individually, and blessed us with all things. Incredible. He bends down and takes notice of you. And loves you. And blesses you.
Sometimes God removes the gift. Most times that precipitates a time of complaining in me. I can't find a season of complaining in Ecclesiastes. That's not His design. (A time to gain. A time to lose. A time to enjoy. A time to kvetch...) Strangely, I'm finding the losses bringing me to a spirit of thanksgiving this year. I know that spirit is also a blessing. A spirit of thanksgiving brings me joy. Contrast that with the carnal spirit of bitterness that comes so naturally to me.
Bob has lost some earning opportunities this year. But God has so richly blessed us with his job at J&M, and the strength to work. How often have I been bitter over God's blessing? I am so thankful God has provided our family the things we have enjoyed (a house decorated with Christmas lights each year, happy memories, a homeschool haven, and a place to laugh with friends and enjoy celebrations) through the means of this sometimes stressful, greasy, dirty job. Thank you, God. It is a good gift.
We have lost many friends and relatives this season. My kids are all starting to comment that the last pair of socks that Mona gave them are wearing out. I'm so grateful for the friendship and good memories God gave me over so many years through Mona. And Don. And Nancy. And the others. I felt loved and enjoyed laughs. I became wiser and learned how to be a friend. And I lost touch with them often. Didn't go visit as many times as I wish I had. But the minutes spent with each of them were blessed. They were each good gifts. And God didn't owe me anything, but kindly gave me friendship through them. Thank you God.
When we went to Larry's funeral I realized that the last frenzied 20 years were a gift that I was too busy to see. Memories of a season passed... Spankings doled out. One on one time pulling nits from my children's hair, sitting in a steamy bathroom in the middle of the night with a wheezer, date days at Denny's... The tooth fairy, piano recitals, kneeling on the floor to hear each child ask Christ into their heart. "Big time", construction paper gifts and proud graduation days. I reminisced with a friend yesterday, how that I always wanted a career and she always wanted a family. Life went the opposite way, with each of us getting the thing we didn't set our sights on. I discounted the gift God has given me over the past 30 years: my life as God designed it. He kindly (not angrily, as I would have done) turned me around to look backward this year and I saw the incredible beauty of His gift. Season passed. Gift complete. A beautiful generous gift. Thank you, God.
And then, sometimes God gives, takes away, and then re-gifts. Through Facebook I have gotten in touch with precious people who were friends and church family. They moved away. Most of them I knew as young folks, and now I get to enjoy an adult friendship with them. This has been an amazing and unexpected gift. Added bonus... What a joy to meet Kathy and Marla's spouses and kids. This has brought me great joy and blessing. Thank you, God.
Lastly, over the past 3 or 4 years I've been plagued with odd afflictions due to age. The biggest loss was my mind (though, some would argue that my looks took a bigger hit as my mind wasn't that sharp to begin with). By this time I had just come to accept the fact that I can't remember squat and most of the time I'm slightly to moderately confused. You don't realize how rational your mind is until it ceases operation. A few weeks ago I just woke up feeling good. Better than usual. Hmmmm. I was not confused. Able to handle a change in plan, remember how to get home from the dentist, know what freeway I am currently on, plan my day in advance. This is a major gift. I feel like myself again and it makes me so happy. Thank you, God.
Then the cherry on top. I'd also lost my sense of smell and taste. From having no sense of smell, to the variety of phantom smells and tastes I've experienced over the last few years, I'd just accepted the fact that growing old means that things you enjoyed just leave. There will be new things to enjoy in heaven. Some people have real problems... However, unexpectedly, I have the ability to smell flowers, pumpkin pie and BO. I tasted Elisabeth's delicious Thanksgiving turkey this year. These small things make life so pleasant. I'm so grateful.
I walked through a parking lot at a hospital this week. As I passed a lady in the crosswalk, she said, "Smell the roses." When I got to the corner there was a fragrant rose garden. I'd almost forgotten what that pleasure is like. God is so kind.
That's how our God is. He gives. He takes away. But He's all good, all the time. Thank you, God.
So, in America, we set aside a day to help us remember the God who has taken notice of us individually, and blessed us with all things. Incredible. He bends down and takes notice of you. And loves you. And blesses you.
Sometimes God removes the gift. Most times that precipitates a time of complaining in me. I can't find a season of complaining in Ecclesiastes. That's not His design. (A time to gain. A time to lose. A time to enjoy. A time to kvetch...) Strangely, I'm finding the losses bringing me to a spirit of thanksgiving this year. I know that spirit is also a blessing. A spirit of thanksgiving brings me joy. Contrast that with the carnal spirit of bitterness that comes so naturally to me.
Bob has lost some earning opportunities this year. But God has so richly blessed us with his job at J&M, and the strength to work. How often have I been bitter over God's blessing? I am so thankful God has provided our family the things we have enjoyed (a house decorated with Christmas lights each year, happy memories, a homeschool haven, and a place to laugh with friends and enjoy celebrations) through the means of this sometimes stressful, greasy, dirty job. Thank you, God. It is a good gift.
We have lost many friends and relatives this season. My kids are all starting to comment that the last pair of socks that Mona gave them are wearing out. I'm so grateful for the friendship and good memories God gave me over so many years through Mona. And Don. And Nancy. And the others. I felt loved and enjoyed laughs. I became wiser and learned how to be a friend. And I lost touch with them often. Didn't go visit as many times as I wish I had. But the minutes spent with each of them were blessed. They were each good gifts. And God didn't owe me anything, but kindly gave me friendship through them. Thank you God.
When we went to Larry's funeral I realized that the last frenzied 20 years were a gift that I was too busy to see. Memories of a season passed... Spankings doled out. One on one time pulling nits from my children's hair, sitting in a steamy bathroom in the middle of the night with a wheezer, date days at Denny's... The tooth fairy, piano recitals, kneeling on the floor to hear each child ask Christ into their heart. "Big time", construction paper gifts and proud graduation days. I reminisced with a friend yesterday, how that I always wanted a career and she always wanted a family. Life went the opposite way, with each of us getting the thing we didn't set our sights on. I discounted the gift God has given me over the past 30 years: my life as God designed it. He kindly (not angrily, as I would have done) turned me around to look backward this year and I saw the incredible beauty of His gift. Season passed. Gift complete. A beautiful generous gift. Thank you, God.
And then, sometimes God gives, takes away, and then re-gifts. Through Facebook I have gotten in touch with precious people who were friends and church family. They moved away. Most of them I knew as young folks, and now I get to enjoy an adult friendship with them. This has been an amazing and unexpected gift. Added bonus... What a joy to meet Kathy and Marla's spouses and kids. This has brought me great joy and blessing. Thank you, God.
Lastly, over the past 3 or 4 years I've been plagued with odd afflictions due to age. The biggest loss was my mind (though, some would argue that my looks took a bigger hit as my mind wasn't that sharp to begin with). By this time I had just come to accept the fact that I can't remember squat and most of the time I'm slightly to moderately confused. You don't realize how rational your mind is until it ceases operation. A few weeks ago I just woke up feeling good. Better than usual. Hmmmm. I was not confused. Able to handle a change in plan, remember how to get home from the dentist, know what freeway I am currently on, plan my day in advance. This is a major gift. I feel like myself again and it makes me so happy. Thank you, God.
Then the cherry on top. I'd also lost my sense of smell and taste. From having no sense of smell, to the variety of phantom smells and tastes I've experienced over the last few years, I'd just accepted the fact that growing old means that things you enjoyed just leave. There will be new things to enjoy in heaven. Some people have real problems... However, unexpectedly, I have the ability to smell flowers, pumpkin pie and BO. I tasted Elisabeth's delicious Thanksgiving turkey this year. These small things make life so pleasant. I'm so grateful.
I walked through a parking lot at a hospital this week. As I passed a lady in the crosswalk, she said, "Smell the roses." When I got to the corner there was a fragrant rose garden. I'd almost forgotten what that pleasure is like. God is so kind.
That's how our God is. He gives. He takes away. But He's all good, all the time. Thank you, God.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Answer Is Worship
The answer is worship.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZfsxydxEXA
The More I Seek You (by Zach Neese)
The more I seek you
The more I find you
The more I find you
The more I love you
I want to sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand
Lay back against you and breathe
Feel your heart beat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace
It's overwhelming
Thank you, Jesus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZfsxydxEXA
The More I Seek You (by Zach Neese)
The more I seek you
The more I find you
The more I find you
The more I love you
I want to sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand
Lay back against you and breathe
Feel your heart beat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace
It's overwhelming
Thank you, Jesus.
Monday, October 19, 2009
The puzzle of disappointment
I am creating my own weather today, and I am under it. This makes no scientific sense. I wonder if I disappoint God more than I disappoint myself, since I have an indwelling Holy Spirit and have potential to do so much better. Or do I disappoint God less than I disappoint myself, since I expect myself to do better that He does. He knows my nature better than I do. One way or the other, it's disappointing.
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